Silence Read online

  After a long chat with Olivia I decide to call Mickki and do a trial to see if it’s something I could even do. She agrees that not liking Eddie could actually make the job easier, since rock stars are so used to getting what they want. I dial the number on the paper Sasha gave to me.

  “Hello,” he says, but I can barely hear him, there is music and laughter so loud in the background. I instantly start to have second thoughts.

  “Um…Hi, this is Callie. Sasha gave me your number,” I say, nervously waiting for his reply.

  “Hold on a sec, I’ll go somewhere quieter.” I contemplate ending the call, maybe he couldn’t hear and didn’t know it was me calling, but I decide he would have caller ID and just call back. “Thanks for calling back. As you can hear my brother is a bit rowdy.” I can’t help but roll my eyes and scoff at that.

  “Jackass,” I whisper quietly. I mean, seriously, I hate to pigeonhole people, but it’s hard not to when people make it so easy.

  “So, I take it you’re not an Eddie Diamond fan?” Oh shit, he heard me. It was supposed to be a thought, but sometimes I don’t have a filter and things come flying from my mouth before I can stop them.

  “No, not exactly. If I’m being honest, the sight of him infuriates me. If that’s an issue, maybe I’m not the right person for the job.”

  “Actually, you sound like the perfect person for the job. When can you start?” he asks.

  “For the amount of money Sasha said I’d be earning, I can start whenever you need me,” I say, nervously playing with the corner of my pillow. The way I say what I’m thinking could be a serious problem for me one day.

  “You might not think it’s enough when you have to deal with my brother. How about we meet tomorrow and we can go from there? I have your number now if I need to contact you for any reason.”

  “Sounds good, I just need an address”

  “For privacy reasons and to avoid the paps, I’ll send the head of my security to collect you around mid-morning if that suits.”

  “Fair enough. I guess I’ll see him tomorrow.” I say and there’s no goodbye, the line just goes blank. I officially have a new job and I finally feel like my life is starting to get back on track. I lost so much of my life by getting pregnant so young, and although I’d never take back having Beau, everything that’s happened since then has been hard.

  Chapter Five.

  Eddie

  We managed to find a small bar halfway between bum-fucked and the middle of nowhere; lucky for us there’s only a handful of patrons, a few ladies in their early to mid-twenties and a group of old geezers.

  The guys go and find a table while I go in hunting for the bar manager. We come to an arrangement and I pay him a substantial amount to close the doors for the night; for this amount of money he said he’d be happy to accommodate a private party.

  Before everyone arrives, I want to make sure Sasha is okay since we've arrived back home. I know Mickki and the guys would have called their mates to catch up. I don't have mates anymore, not anyone I would call a real friend anyway. I don't really see the point.

  Once we became famous, people changed, they either wanted to be famous by association or they didn't want to be seen with us and get caught up with the media. I don't blame them really, always having cameras flashing in our faces is disturbing. I can't even take a dump these days without someone waiting on me. I walk over to Sasha who is sitting in a corner booth talking with Mickki.

  As I approach he moves over, making way for me to sit down. Leaning in close, he whispers in her ear and she nods her head, giving him a small smile. It must have been hard for her to see me again today. I know she said she doesn't hate me, but that doesn't mean she’s forgiven me and that's a bitter pill to swallow. Talking about pills, I take a container from my pocket and swallow a few.

  “You look good,” I say, mainly as an icebreaker, but looking her over I can see that she still looks the same; just a little older around the eyes, but going through what she did will do that to a person.

  “Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself.”

  “What can I say? I'm still a stud,” I say, raising my hand and motioning for the bartender to bring us some drinks. “How have you been?” God, I'm an idiot, I’m so nervous. Even though she still looks the same, it's like a stranger is staring back at me.

  “Great actually. I met an amazing man and we just recently got married. We also have a two-year-old daughter.”

  I can honestly say that after all this time, I expected her to have moved forward with her life. We never had romantic feelings for one another, but the thought of her having another child burns a little. Damn, is she trying to replace Amelia?

  “I know what you’re thinking, and no one will ever replace my Milly, but I’m finally happy again and can look forward to tomorrow. They actually give me a reason to want that.”

  “Deep down I know that, I really do, I just miss her so damn much. Now, when I hear a child laugh, I find myself turning around in hopes that it’ll be her waiting for me; wanting to jump into my arms the way she always did, to wrap her little arms around my neck and whisper that I’m her rock star. It hurts so fucking much that I lost you too, the one person I wanted to lean on, for us to support each other; I know I was responsible for fucking that up. Look at me now – I’ve got a hole so damn deep in my chest that it’s swallowed me whole and I’m just sitting at the bottom with all the drugs, women, and booze I could ever want. Really, I’m just a loser who can’t even enjoy the benefits that have come with hitting rock bottom.” Great, I’ve made her cry with my own self-pity. “I’m sorry for laying all that on you.”

  “I’m sorry, Eddie,” she says, placing her hands over mine. “I can’t deal with this. Please don’t blame yourself. I was wrong to say I hated you, but I was trying to deal with my own grief and I still do every day. She was my daughter and there’s no getting over the loss of your child, but I have learnt to manage the pain I feel every day. I can’t go back to the place you’re in, the darkness will suck me back in and I only have so much strength.” She removes her hands from mine and stands.

  Grabbing her hands lightly, I hope she’ll stay and talk to me. I need her and I need her to help me figure out how to deal with myself. “Please, I need your help. I don’t know how to fix this? To fix me.” I don’t care that the whole bar is now watching me on my knees and begging for help. "I really need your help. I promise I can do better, be better.”

  “I told you once that I’d repay you for everything you ever did for us.”

  “I don’t want your money. If that’s what you’re going to do, just fuck off and leave me all over again. You’re no different than anyone else has ever been!” I scream. I should feel guilty that I have just yelled at her, but, being the asshole I am, I just watch her run from the building; I don't feel anything.

  Pissed off, I take my phone from my pocket and send out a mass text to everyone I know that lives remotely close to here. I may as well do one of the things I know how to do well – party - and I intend to party fucking hard.

  Within half an hour the small pub is filled to capacity. Laying all my feelings on the table gave me a migraine and the best way to fix that was by taking a handful of pills and doing a few lines, now I feel fucking fantastic. The music is pumping and a hot little blonde has been eyeing me off from across the room. I point my finger at her and motion for her to come to me. I watch as she walks over, swaying those hips for my enjoyment.

  “Hi, I’m Lucy,” she says sweetly as she bats her eyelashes and twists her hair around her finger. I pat my lap, indicating for her to sit down. I’m off my head, drunk, and now I have pussy for the night. She straddles my lap and my cock springs to life, the monster has been awakened and I know she can feel him because she’s grinding her little pussy against me.

  “Want a drink, love?”

  “Among other things,” she says. I need to get this drink before I fuck her. I stand and she wraps her legs around my waist, her
dress rides up and I slap her bare ass as we walk towards the bar. I don’t even need to ask, the bartender slides two drinks my way. With blondie’s ass resting on one arm, I reach for the bottles with the other. Now I’m on the hunt for somewhere she can wrap her lips around my dick. Kicking open the women’s bathroom, I let go of her and she slides down to her knees. Fuck, I love a woman who doesn’t need to be told. Like a pro, she slips the monster from my pants and her mouth is on me, her tongue makes its way around my head as she positions herself, her lips sliding up and down my shaft, her little hand cupping my balls. When she hums and the rest of my length slips down her throat I almost lose my load.

  “Fuck woman, you can take some cock.” I can’t wait any longer, I need to fuck her. I pull myself from her mouth and she looks disappointed. Sweet Jesus, where has she been all my life? I take the handful of condoms from my pocket and throw them on the counter. Blondie grabs one and rips it open with her teeth. Once she’s done, I make her turn around, I lift her and she lays face down on the very end of the counter, inserting my finger into her sweet little pussy to make sure she is ready for me. I feel extremely ready. She’s so tiny I grab her by the hips and pull her straight onto my cock.

  “Fuck me rock star, show me what you’ve got,” she pleads.

  So, she wants to see what I got? I pull her back and thrust into her, the screams that come from her would have to be heard over the music. My vision starts to blur and my head spins; I must be more fucked up than I thought. What the fuck is going on with me? I hear screaming, high-pitched annoying bitch screaming as I hit the floor.

  “Someone help him!” Help who?

  “What the fuck is going on?” I say, but everything is in slow motion. I don’t know where I am, but I can hear Mickki talking to someone.

  “What did he take?”

  “It’s Eddie, he could have taken anything. Fuck, he’s probably got a cocktail of shit in his system.” I try to say I only took a few pills and a few lines of coke, big deal, but everything goes black.

  “Eddie, come and find me,” Amelia giggles.

  “Hmm, I wonder where she could be? Under the bed? nope. Maybe she’s in the wardrobe? Nope. Maybe she’s under the blanket? Nope."

  “Eddie, come and find me? You know where I am.”

  I follow the giggles. “Where are you?” I say, going downstairs. The giggles get further away. "Where is she? I can’t find her."

  “You won’t find her, Eddie. You’re a disappointment and you let her down, just like you let me down. Why aren’t you a good boy like your brother?”

  “I will find her, you evil bitch. I won’t let her down again.”

  “Now, that's no way to speak to your mother, is it?”

  “Amelia, baby girl, where are you?” I call out, but I can’t find her.

  “Here I am, silly. What are you doing here?”

  “I came for you,” I say, trying to reach for her, but I can’t make it.

  “You won’t ever get to see her again. Naughty boys like you won’t go to heaven.”

  “Wake up - wake up!”

  What the hell is going on. “What?” I spit

  “It’s time to get up” she says kicking the bed.

  “Who are you?” I say, opening one eye.

  “I’m you’re worst nightmare.” That gets my attention and I laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

  “Love, you’re far from my worst nightmare. Hand me some pain killers would you, my head feels like it's been hit by a truck.” She doesn’t realise I just woke up from my worst nightmare, my mother and Amelia in one dream, I would never have let that evil bitch near Amelia.

  “You can’t have any,” she says matter-of-factly. Wow, who the fuck does she think she is anyway?

  “Why the fuck not? I’m in pain and they’re called pain killers for a reason.”

  “Why are you in pain, huh? Tell me that and maybe I’ll tell you why you can’t have the pain killers.”

  “I’m a fuckin’ rock star, and we sometimes party a bit hard and get these things called hangovers.”

  “Argh… wrong answer. I say you’re an addict and I won’t give you the pills.”

  “Who are you anyway, my mother?” Fuck her, if she won’t give me the pills then I’ll get them myself.

  “No, I’m the one standing between you and rehab, because I’m certainly not the one who put their career on the line and OD'd.”

  Fuck, did I really OD? No fucking way, the bitch is bullshitting me. “Dickhead,” she whispers under her breath.

  “I heard that, very professional of you,” I say.

  “So, passing out and laying in your own vomit is professional of you, then?” she throws back.

  “I’m a rock star baby, shit like this comes with the territory. At least get me a scotch.” She just looks at me with a disgusted look on her face. “Seriously? No grog either? Kill me now or maybe you should have just left me to drown in my own vomit."

  “If it were up to me, I would have left you there, but apparently you still have people who give a shit - but frankly, I’m not one of them."

  I don’t need this shit. Where the fuck is Mickki? He won’t be far away.

  “Mickki!!! Where the fuck are you?”

  “Shit, dude. There’s no need to wake up the whole neighbourhood.”

  “Who the fuck is this and where’s all my shit?”

  “It’s all gone bro. It’s in your best interest, and it’s also out of our hands now.”

  “Out of our hands? Bullshit, I’m Eddie Diamond, I’m a fucking rock star.”

  “A rock star who’ll get us all fired. Seriously…enough. Think about someone, or something, other than yourself,” he says before storming off.

  “I think about my dick all the time!” I yell out.

  “Fuck you, Eddie, you dug this grave for yourself. Now you need to fucking fix it before we all go down with you.”

  Oh fuck, she’s followed me downstairs.

  “What?” I say.

  “Hurry up or we’ll be late,” she says, crossing her arms.

  “For what?”

  “We have a meeting to attend. No rehab, but meetings are required.”

  “I’m not going to any meeting,” I say and run back upstairs, locking my door. Just watch her try and make me go. Another few hours’ sleep should do the trick.

  “Knock, knock,” she says, tapping on the door.

  “Go away.”

  “I have all day, Eddie.”

  “Good - you’re going to need it.”

  **

  Talk about bloody persistent. I swear that nutter knocked on my door for half an hour, but now it’s eerily quiet and I’m half tempted to see if she’s given up. I decide that she’s more than likely gone for reverse psychology and wants me to go out and look—well, two can play that game. Relaxing, I roll a joint from my hidden stash. Jeez, it’s the only thing they didn’t take from my room and I’m surprised they didn’t find it. It's fucking dry as shit in here, and as I realise this I gather that she might just have an advantage over me right now. Who the fuck does she think she is? I’m a grown fucking man and she wants to take away my shit like I’m a child. As I take a drag, smoke rolls off the end of the joint and I try not to cough and make them aware that I’m awake.

  When the munchies get the better of me, I’m determined that they can't force me to go anywhere, right? So, I open my door quietly, and when I say quietly I mean the mother fucker squeaks like there’s no tomorrow, and brace myself for someone sitting on the other side. The coast is clear and I tiptoe down the hall, but I still don't hear anyone. Now I reckon that they're just fucking with my head, so I make my way to the kitchen and there is still no sign of anyone.

  At last, sweet peace and quiet. I make myself a mad feast; a huge sandwich with everything I can find on it; a handful of chips on the side and even some Tim Tams. Realising my mouth is dry, I open the fridge with one hand while I balance the plate with the other - maybe if I wanted to change career
s I could be a clown at the circus. Just then, the plate jiggles so we’d better scratch that idea.

  Pushing the fridge door shut with my elbow, I'm scared by the presence of another body. The plate of food goes flying and I drop the bottle of Coke, which explodes all over the floor.

  “Fuck me, don't sneak up on a man like that.” I look up and that annoying woman is just standing there with her arms crossed. Her white blouse is saturated in Coke and I lose my shit; I laugh so hard, I have to lean against the counter for balance.

  “This would be funny to someone like you,” she says condescendingly.

  “What's that supposed to mean? Someone like me?”

  “You're stoned, someone who’s wasted.”

  "Oh yeah! Well, since you ruined my munchies I'm going out for food”

  “You're not going anywhere,” she says.

  “I'm sorry love, but how do you plan to stop me?” She really must be trying to be funny.

  “Him, he’ll stop you,” she says, pointing to Damien, my security man. Unlucky for her he’s privately hired by me as an extra precaution when I'm home.

  “Him?” I question. “Very unlikely that he’ll stop me”

  “He’s right. You might want to go find Marcus, he’s one scary mofo and no one messes with him,” Damien says.

  “You can drive, I'm baked,” I say as we walk out the door with her following behind us. “Help yourself to whatever you need while I'm gone, I won't be too long,” I shout out through the window. I must have been locked in my room for longer than I thought as the sun is just going down.

  Right, let me get organised, and I send out a quick text to my dealer. Today has been stressful and I need to get fucking high. It feels like an MDMA kind of night and I'm in the mood to party hard. I get Damien to park at the back entrance of a small pub.